| Episode | Gallery | Transcript | Contributor Map | Credits |
The episode starts with Tart fixing her cream, Sippy Cup and Putty playing Rock, Paper, Scissors, Corny expanding his anvil collection, Phonograph playing music and collecting butterflies and Cologne sitting angrily by the lake.
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Inhaler walks over to Cologne.
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You know, if you train yourself to tolerate the pain while holding your breath, you can stay underwater for over ten minutes!
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Why don't you try twenty?
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I would but I'm actually sure this water's pH is too high to be safe.
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Inhaler, I'm already thinking too hard. I can't deal with the acidity of water.
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It's actually pretty basic.
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(cuts Inhaler off) And so is this idea! You're leaving, I'm staying.
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*small pause*
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I wouldn't be too nervous about this elimination, Cologne. It would be illogical to vote either of us out. We're—
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Abrasive and annoying?
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Uh, yeah, I guess those were synonyms to what I was thinking: bold and unrelenting!
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Just, go.
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I guess I know what I'm not wanted.
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Inhaler walks away.
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OSO Novel zooms into the screen.
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Guys, we've got to get going. The elimination is starting soon.
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*grumbling*
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OSO Novel and Inhaler run to the elimination area. Cologne comes right after.
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Glowing Heart flies up to Cologne.
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Cologne, hey! Are you nervous about the elimination? I know I am.
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Cologne ignores Glowing Heart.
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Alright, well, see you inside.
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The rest of the contestants that are up for elimination go to the Central Building.
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Intro.
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The contestants that were up for elimination last episode are in the building sitting down in chairs.
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So, how does this whole process work?
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You’ll start to understand it as we go along, okay? It’s pretty simple!
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Ah, alright.
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Crayon box gets up from chair and walks to the podium.
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We got a total of 2,834 votes.
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Crayon Box stops walking and Yellow Crayon's raises his hand out of her.
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That’s over triple the amount we got last time!
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Crayon Box pushes his hand back in calmly and continues walking to podium and turns on the screen.
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First and foremost, Dango, you three got the least votes With only 102! You’re safe and win immunity! At that, you get the prize of being judges for today’s challenge!
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That’s a good enough prize for me.
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Aw, I was actually hoping I’d be able to compete! Oh well.
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Cuts to Crayon Box and presentation continues with a pyramid of 3 safe contestants.
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You guys are followed by Vape, with a total of 147 votes, and OSO Novel, who received 157 votes. Glowing Heart is also safe with 168 votes!
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Pyramid on screen shows OSO Novel
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Hmm, expected.
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Screen changes to Blob & Tart
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Blob and Tart? You are both safe! with 215 and 345 votes respectively.
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Wait! That means-
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Screen changes to Cologne & Inhaler as in split screen mode.
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Cologne and Inhaler, one of you will be eliminated from OSO and permanently leaving the competition. That person is…
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The votes reveals that Cologne and Inhaler are tied.
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Nobody! It’s a tie!
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All of the crayons are popping out of Crayon Box at the same time.
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The Crayons
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WWUUUUUHHHHH????
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You guys all knew about this! Well, anyways, today’s a good day for this to happen. In fact, I have something prepared to sort things out! Cologne, Inhaler, come with me!
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For your tie breaker, you two will be competing above this stage! There are ten spotlights, five on each side. Whoever turns their five on first is safe from this elimination. The other will be eliminated.
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How exactly-
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START!
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Cologne and Inhaler start shoving each other.
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Get- get out of my way Cologne!
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Out of breath already, four-eyes?
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*deep gasp*
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NO!
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Inhaler runs away.
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Maybe if you weren't such a- a half-wit, they wouldn't have chosen *you* to leave!
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They chose you, too, didn't they?
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That was a typo! Our letters were very close together on the keyboard.
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Wait, were they really?
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Inhaler pushes Cologne who uses his spray nozzle to fly back up. Inhaler goes to turn on his spotlights, but Cologne kicks him away. Cologne turns his spotlights on.
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If you take so much pride in your brain, try using it more.
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But- but-
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Wow, that took my breath away! No, wait, how about: whoever smelted is eliminated?
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All the safe contestants stare at Crayon Box.
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That's- that's impossible! I- recount the votes!
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Red Crayon jumps out of Crayon Box and drags Inhaler away.
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I- I am stil objectively more intelligent than anyone here, especially Cologne!
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Speaker
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THIRTY-FIRST: INHALER
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Screen cuts to Crayon Box.
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Say, why'd you have the stage all set up, anyway?
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Great question, here's why! Today's challenge is to write, produce, and perform your own play production! Your plays will be directed by the Crayons, which means you will all have some quality bonding time with them!
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Yellow Crayon taps his foot.
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Did I mention that the Crayon who's team wins get's to go to Chunky Cheese?
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The Crayons
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*excited chatter*
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Uh, you guys haven't won yet. You've got to rely on your team in order to win this litle field trip!
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Are we allowed to, ban some of them from performing?
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No.
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It was worth a shot.
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How are we, choosing the teams?
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Glad you asked!
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Blue Crayon pushes a whiteboard onto the stage.
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Take a close look, because these wil be the seven, or eight, players you'll be babysitting today!
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The teams: Red Crayon: OFGB, Sippy Cup, Glowing Heart, Paintball, Incense Holder, Vape, Nail Clippers. Yellow Crayon: Coin, Penny, Server, OSO Novel, Pitcher, Tart, Microphone, Roulette Wheel. Green Crayon: Diamond, Extension Cord, Coaster, Phonograph, Corny, Retainer, Holly. Blue Crayon: Blob, Cologne, Guarana, Graffiti, Censored, Putty, Black Square.
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*snickering*
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Now you've got a few hours to do what you need to do, so get started!
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Crayon Box walks away.
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So, how do you feel about your team?
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Uhm, my team looks fine.
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Well, you should probably know there's this theatre superstition where if your play has eight actors, it'll fail.
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Oh come on. I've never heard of that.
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I-i-i-it's true, Yellow. We're just worried. You might want to, well...
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Do something.
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There's nothing to do about it and nothing I want to do about it. Crayon Box said it herself: we can't remove contestants.
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Your funeral.
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Yellow Crayon walks away.
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Red Crayon's team
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*overlapping chatter*
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Let's go. Guys, I'm not taking any nonsense. Any questions?
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Sippy Cup is running around.
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Uhh, when's break?
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Break? BREAK?! We haven't even started yet.
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Well I was just wondering, like, for later.
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Right. Straight to the idea then.
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I think we should be pirates!
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That sounds terri- That's actually the best idea I've ever heard.
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Screen cuts to Blue Crayon's team.
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Uh, everyone gather around!
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The team gathers around Blue Crayon.
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So, we're gonna get started on the play now... um.. we should start, preparing for it... any ideas?
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The team turns to Blue Crayon, Censored puts a cap on
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[INQUISITIVE BEEPING]
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Oh, you want genre ideas? How about a fairy tale?
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[AFFIRMATIVE BEEPING] [AUTHORITATIVE BEEPING] [BEEPING]
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Screen cuts to Yellow Crayon's team, Yellow Crayon is opening a box.
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Alright, everyone! Listen up! If you want to win, you're going to listen to me, because I have a surefire way of ensuring our victory. We are going to do whatever Crayon Box would want us to do, and this is how.
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Yellow Crayon opens a book on a page with a picture of Crayon Box and starts flipping pages.
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Doesn't Crayon Box like reality shows? Can't we just do one of those instead?
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Yellow Crayon closes the book.
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I was about to say that before you interrupted me! We'll be performing a reality show, no further questions.
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Can we do a murder mystery play instead?
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Did you not hear what I just said?
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I think that's a great idea, actually!
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Ugh, fine. But we're sticking with a reality show. We'll do a mixture of both.
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Screen cuts to Green Crayon.
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Okay guys, this is your play, so I'd love to hear your suggestions!
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Let's do a musical! I'd love to see everyone here break of the-
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Diamond, Extension Cord, Phonograph and Retainer
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NO!
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Eh, anybody else?
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A comedy!
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Action!
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Adventure!
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A nunanced take on soap operas!
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A horror film play!
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A musical but this time everyone agrees with me!
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Perfect!
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What do you mean, "perfect", they just shouted out six ideas!
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That's what I mean. How [about] we do... everything? We can do a comedy, an adventure, a soap opera, everything! Except a musical. That settles it. Everyone, let's get to work.
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But I wanted to sing...
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Screen cuts to Red Crayon's team.
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Okay guys, if we're gonna get through with this, we're gonna have to set some ground rules. First off, we need to start blocking in. Sippy Cup, get onn Incense Holder.
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Affirmative!
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Okay, now let's go to page three where you begin your sail to the harbor of- hey, Incense Holder, you're going the wrong way.
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I'm trying! I just don't know my lefts and rights yet!
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We don't use left and right in this stage. We use port and starboard!
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Keelhaul the sternum and swab the plank!
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Write that down! Write that down!
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How much of that was real words?
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Screen cuts to Blue Crayon's team.
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So, whadja want me to do?
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[BEEPING]
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Really? Do I get a line, or something?
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[RAPID AND INTENSE BEEPING]
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I'm not comfortable saying that.
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Black Square, I'm sorry, but we don't have a role for you. You're, erm, not that much of an actor.
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*dissapointment noise from Black Square*
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*ding* Hey, you can be the prop manager. It's an important job as any. You'd be great at it.
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*wobbling noice from Black Square*
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Oh hey Cologne, why don't you be the villain?
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Sure, why not?
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Scene cuts to Green Crayon's team.
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Okay Retainer! Just like we practiced!
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*cartoon sweating noise* Uh... Do, Re, Mi, D, E, F, G! [to the tune of the ABCs] How I wonder what you'll be...
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Amazing!
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Hey, Holly? Green's a little preocupied with others right now. What do you want me to do?
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You can play the background music!
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That's... kind of lame, I was wondering if I could be one of the leads or something.
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Listen, Phonograph. To make it in show business, you gotta learn to be flexible and being flexible means doing what other people need you to do, even if it's hard.
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Well, it's not hard because I play music anyway.
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So it shouldn't be an issue! If you need help, I'm sure Coaster can lend a hand. She isn't doing much either. Well, that went well-RETAINER, NO, THE DIAPHRAGM!!!
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Screen cuts to Yellow Crayon's team.
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Hey OSO Novel, what's the matter?
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Don't get to close! Something bad's going to happen!
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You can't possibly believe in that stupid superstition. I thought you were way smarter than that.
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Fine. You weren't going to listen anyway.
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Server steps on a plank Pitcher is sitting on causing, him to pull the lever and one of the stage lights to fall down on Server.
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Well, I guess it’s lights out for Server!
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That pun... that’s what I was trying to avoid...
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This is great. We only have seven members now. The curse is lifted!
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Now we actually have a chance!
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*looks at a dead Server* At this rate, we'll never get anything done. *sees Microphone walking* Microphone, you can mimic voices, right?
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Uh, yeah.
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Prove it.
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*inhale* [As Yellow Crayon] Is this good enough for you?
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Perfect! You'll be our backup in case anything goes wrong.
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Holly, help me out here!
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Ah, more singing lessons? I've got you covered--
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No! I keep forgetting my lines! The stress is really getting me, y'know?
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That's easy! Just write the lines you don't know on your hands!
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The whole script? And I don't have hands anyway, Holly!
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Oh... then just, uh, get to memorizing!
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Aw man, she wrote it in crayon!
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You good there?
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It's fine. Just hoping the others know what the beverage *they're* doing. *slip, thud*
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Hey, careful with those!
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Whoops.
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Just put them back in the box, quick! We can figure out the order later. They're all labeled.
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*looks at the CD's marked 'song' and 'other song' then sighs* We're doomed.
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*whoosh* Alright teams, time is up! Get ready to perform!
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*reviving Server with Yellow Crayon*
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Ah, great. Fantastic idea, pitcher.
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We have to do something, Server has lines!
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*walks to Black Square* Black Square, are you good?
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*shakes his head 'no'*
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Oh, uh, just, label them? I don't know you're just gonna have to figure it out, dude...
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*walks to Censored* Well, I don't think I could have done a better job
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Yeah, you probably couldn't have, but it worked out, cause [********] did an awesome job.
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Eheh. That's true.
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Yeah, and when-- I mean, if we mess up at least you won't be eliminated, just one of us! And, we probably won't blame you *that* much.
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That much?
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Aw, don't sweat it. Our team is pretty capable and the other teams are like, probably worse!
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Probably?
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Alright, guys, let's get going!
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*opens the curtains*
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Ah, what a lovely day it is in this humble little home! ...of mine... I sure hope no *pirates* or anything arrive near shore--
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Yargh! Ahoy! C'mere, landlubber!
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Huh!? Who are you?
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Pirates...
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We are some of thy boldest pirates in all of the land! ARGH!
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Sippy Cup, Organic Fruit & Grain Bar
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ARRRGH!
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Young lass, would ye like t' join us on our trip to the unknown?
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Why... that'd be just wonderful!
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ARGGHcellent. I give ye me cutlass. *drops Nail Clippers*
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OW!
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Did this sword just, talk?
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*wink*
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By just looking at the round top, I can identify it as a r-relic of the mysterious Atlantis I-Island! I need to send it back to my h-homeland for study.
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Well, what's the point of treasure! Let's head back and get it returned to the homeland!
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...mhm...
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*holds the sword up*
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Why, what's got you all rustled up?
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We're pirates. We, just like you said, pillage and plunder. We don't find things and then give them back. We need to turn around!
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Well, this ain't your ship is it?
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*clink* *shing* *clink*
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Guys, stop! You're gonna cost us the challenge!
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I told you a pirate play was a sucky idea, but you didn't bother to listen. No, you wanted to--
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Paintball, Sippy Cup, Nail Clippers
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*screaming*
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Oh, gosh darn it! Everyone, calm down! *closes the curtains*
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What a fun mess!
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Um... I thought they were good.
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I thought it was uh, kind of bad.
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Well, you think everything is kind of bad.
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Point taken.
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*ruffling of curtains*
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Seven actors, all alike in the dignity, in fair uh, "The Dome," where we lay our scene. From collaboration break to--
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Oh, whatever is a dame to do! Her wife's been took and now her heart's stuck in a puddle of glue!
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I'LL FIND THE TREASURE OF THE RUINS AND STOP THE METEOR FROM COMING HOLLY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SING REMEMBER
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Ohhh nooooo, here comes the boulder!
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Hey, that was my line!
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*thump*
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You--you saved me! My hero!
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*gasp* Dad? DAD!? Oh no, this can't be!
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Is-- is that my daughter who ran away from home after I told her to be a doctor or be disowned?
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*inappropriately timed laugh track* *record scratch*
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*tearing up* Yes dad, it's me... after all these years...
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I have one thing to ask...
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*Extension Cord is about to cry*
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So, what's the deal with airline food?
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We'll be here all week, folks!
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Not-not, not if I have anything to say about it!
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*wham, shattering*
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*points at Holly* So you're foolish enough to take out Don Boulder, my second-in-command...
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[PSHEWWW]
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Diamond, what are you doing?
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Sound effects!
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For what?
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Iunno.
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Can you hear that? That's the sound of my mind failing to grasp why you're as incompetent as you are and also, the sound of me bringing an end to your beloved little city!
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Coaster grabs Diamond.
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I've captured your loud and annoying brat, and you don't even have the one thing that could stop me.
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Oh, but we do!
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Holly takes steps to Coaster.
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You thought I wouldn't recognize you, my beloved, marvelous, long-lost wife!
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Coaster thinks for a moment.
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I thought your character was the wife.
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Remember the "yes, and" rule.
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Oh, don't you know, my candy cane? Heheh! The most powerful secret weapon of all is my lov--
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HEROIC JUDO KICK!
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[through gritted teeth] Close the curtains already.
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[applause] Bravo! That was wonderful! Goodness, you're all so creative!
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*curtains slide closed, kick*
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So, uh, everything ready?
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Just about... yeah.
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*curtains slide open, suspenseful music cue*
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Last time on Open Source Obituaries...
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*spotlight shines on Server, Tart, Roulette Wheel, Pitcher, Coin, and Penny*
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Cocky athlete Phillip Hatcher couldn't contain his competitive spirit and got eliminated. FROM LIFE! Now the others face a challenge: find the eliminator.
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*spotlight clicks off*
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I'll say. I haven't seen a train wreck like this since young Will Spinaround tried his feet at owning a railroad. We must find the culprit, stat.
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Now, now, didn't you vanish during dinnertime to be *alone,* dear sister? Mayhaps to cast the fatal vote?
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My, my, dear brother. The fortune of Papa Patcher must've gotten to your head if you're willing to turn on me on a dime.
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Enough squabbling! We need to collect clues.
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Server gets his trusty magnifying glass.
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That delivery's why we brought it back to life?
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[IMPLICIT TIMESKIP HERE] I'd have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kid voters!
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Dude, you left chunks of your mustache at that scene.
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Oh, woe! Dastardly host, promising us riches and then stopping my marriage into high...er... society!
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Man, I'm glad to be rid of this thing.
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Yellow Crayon appears out of nowhere.
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Cover for OSO Novel. I don't think she knows her lines that well.
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Wait, it's *OSO Novel* that doesn't know her lines?
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Farewell. Phillip, may you carcass rot like Microphone will in jail!
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MICROPHONE AS OSO NOVEL: Ditto!
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*Noir* offense, but that was kind of whatever. Should've had seven members!
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*Of course* it was the butler. When was it not the butler?
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I like the concept, but the characters were all kind of unlikable. Sorry.
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The characters were all, uh, based on us.
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Oh.... ehhh.
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Hold on, is Pitcher actually dead?
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He died for his art!
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Once upon a time, there was a beautiful noble person with a beautiful head of hair. Their struggle was real... until one day a heroic knight from another kingdom showed up to the tower, ready to save them!
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*looks at Blob's cuteness*
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As our brave hero approached the tower... an evil, uh, villain guy showed up!
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Halt! Thy liege shall soon be-eth, uh, mine!
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[CONFRONTATIONAL BEEPING]
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What, so you think you can take me down and save the fine noble in the tower? En garde!
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*unsheathes sword*
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*unsheathes sword*
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*swordfighting clangs*
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Looks like thou isn't thy happily ever after for you had waited for!
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[WITTY ONE-LINER BEEP]
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*whack*
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DUDE! Ow-- uh, how dare you? I am slain! *falls to the ground*
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Ooh... that's gotta hurt!
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Black Square is running back and forth.
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*snoring*
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*pepper shake sounds*
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Oh, shoot! Are we going?
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*nods yes*
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*looks at a book then runs*
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[IMPLORING BEEPING]
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*Blob lands on Censored's hands*
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And the two were together at last, and the liege would soon be on monarch!
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*walks up to Blob and Censored* Halt! Thou shalt not... uhh... *looks at the script*
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*Black Square was nervous that Guarana would forget his lines, so he needed to act fast! He ran to Microphone*
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Uhh...
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*Black Square fetched Microphone*
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Huh? What the---
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*Microphone looks at the script*
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You're kidding.
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*pleads Microphone to do Guarana's voice*
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*sigh* I guess. I owe you for killing you in the first challenge
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Uh...
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MICROPHONE, AS GUARANA: Escape without sequestration and mortification.
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The hero was scared of the big words, but knew what to do!
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*shing*
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*Censored walks up to Guarana and bonks him on the head*
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Our hero and noble run off into the sunset, aware that though this is the end of their story, this is just the beginning of a uh uhhh... happily ever after. The End.
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*sniffing* That was great, guys.
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It didn't make much sense, and the end seemed rushed.
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That was phenomenal!
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Yeah, it was amazing! Yeah!
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Great work guys! Oh, Graffiti, you can stop being a wig now.
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Oh... but you said I was beautiful!
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*And so, it was time for the winners*
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Alrighty, who's ready for the results of the third challenge of O.S.O?
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*cheering*
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Okey-dokey! I will first announce the Best Production. The nominations are---
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WE KNOW THEM!
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Okay, okay! Winner of Best Production is...
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*drumroll*
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Team Blue!
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*uproarious applause and cheering*
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And now, the award you've all been waiting for: Worst Production! The winner is...
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*Green Dango plays a drumroll*
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Team Green!
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Woo! We won--- wait, what?
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I tried to warn you all, but you wouldn't stop goofing off!
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Oh gosh, I'm sorry Green Crayon! I thought we did well!
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It's okay, Retainer. I'm sorry you're up for elimination
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Oh, I'm sure I'll be fine. Right guys?
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*Everyone walks away*
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And with that, Coaster [B], Phonograph [C], Diamond [E], Extension Cord [F], Corny [D], Retainer [A], and Holly [G] are up for elimination! Viewers, vote for who you want eliminated from Open Source Objects by commenting their letter in square brackets! Whoever receives the most votes will be out of the show!
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*ending*
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At least I can find solace with my own intelligence. I am my only equal, after all.
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*Inhaler notices something and steps inside*
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*sigh* How did [I] manage to be outsmarted?
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???: H e y t h e r e p a l !
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Ah! Get away from me!
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???: LETZ BEE FRIENDZ! *solid punch to the face* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I'm sorry!
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*Inhaler doesn't like to see any of this, so he walks out and past a sign that says, 'Join our Discord Server today!'*
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